Sexless Marriage and When to Walk Away

 

Is it okay to call it quits on a marriage just because the physical spark is missing, even if everything else seems fine and you still have love for your spouse? Being in a sexless marriage doesn’t mean the end or does it?

Divorce is a big deal and not something to decide on a whim. But the real question is, can a marriage survive when the romance is on the back burner?

In this blog post, we’ll explore the signs of an unhealthy marriage, strategies for coping with intimacy issues, the emotional toll of a sexless marriage, and ultimately, when it might be time to consider walking away.

By the end, you’ll gain valuable insights and perspectives to navigate this challenging terrain.

Disclaimer (Spoiler Alert)

Now I must point out that in our journey, my husband and I have weathered the storms of a sexless marriage, particularly when our children were born but emerged from this period stronger. 

While we haven’t chosen nor pondered the path of separation, we’ve witnessed friends go through divorce, providing valuable perspectives on the complexities of relationships.

Now, let’s dive in and discover the insights that might resonate with your journey.

Definition of a Sexless Marriage

Pinpointing the definition of a sexless marriage is no straightforward task, as it hinges on individual libidos. Beyond mere frequency, satisfaction plays a pivotal role. For instance, if one partner yearns for daily intimacy while the other finds contentment in weekly encounters, labeling it as sexless becomes subjective.

Research conducted by various experts, characterizes a sexless marriage as having sex less than 10 times a year. Intriguingly, studies reveal that established couples only have sex once a week on average, with reported happiness levels showing little correlation with frequency.

Signs of an Unhealthy Marriage:

Recognizing the early signs of an unhealthy marriage is the first step towards understanding the root of the issue.

Frequent arguments, lack of communication, and emotional distance may signify deeper problems.

A Sexless Marriage can be a symptom of underlying issues, serving as a red flag for a relationship that needs attention. Identifying signs of an unhealthy marriage is like trying to solve a very complex puzzle.

Some key points to consider to help try to understand some potential root causes:

Frequent Arguments:

Frequent arguments are the most common and may signal deeper unresolved issues. Recognize and understand recurring themes and analyse if they stem from unmet needs, miscommunication, or unresolved conflicts.

Lack of Communication:

Effective communication is crucial. When partners stop sharing thoughts, feelings and being honest with each other a breakdown occurs.

Emotional Distance:

Emotional distance manifests as a sense of disconnection. Explore reasons behind this to identify deeper issues.

This distance can manifest in various ways:

• Decline in shared activities,
• Decrease in affectionate gestures,
• Lack of genuine interest in each other’s daily lives.

Partners might sense a growing divide, marked by unspoken emotions and unexpressed needs.

Tip: Ask easy stuff like “How was your day?” and “Want to talk about it?” We’ve asked these questions a bunch in our relationship, and sometimes it leads to us spilling all our pent-up emotions.

Diminished Intimacy:

Beyond physical connection, it includes emotional closeness. A decline in physical affection, coupled with emotional detachment, may signal unaddressed issues.

Unresolved Resentments:

Lingering resentments can poison the foundation. Unresolved issues from the past can contribute to an unhealthy atmosphere.

Honesty is the best policy! Talking to each other in a civil manner and opening up to one another could do the world of good.

Neglect of Individual Growth:

Healthy marriages encourage individual growth. Feeling stifled in personal development can lead to frustration. Neglect of individual growth has played its part in our relationship.

Communication and support always comes to the forefront in our conversations to resolve the issue.

I’m a huge fan of setting goals in both life and work. Your partner should be there to support you in achieving those goals and vice versa.

Consistent Lack of Support:

Mutual support is vital as mentioned above. Consistent failure to support each other will create a wedge, eroding the relationship’s foundation.

Getting to grips with these signs is like taking a personal journey. Both partners need to reflect on what they bring to the table and start talking openly.

Think of it like unlocking a door to healing and breathing new life into the marriage. It’s about looking inwards, sharing thoughts, and kick starting the process of making things better together.

Impact of a Sexless Marriage

For Men

 

In a marriage with little to no intimacy, men, who are naturally geared towards regular sexual activity, face various tough issues. This includes feeling sexually frustrated and even potential health risks like prostate cancer. Understanding these effects becomes crucial for couples dealing with the complexities of a relationship lacking in physical closeness.

• Biological Implications: Men are typically biologically wired for regular sexual activity, and the absence of it can lead to various challenges.

• Sexual Frustration: A sexless marriage often results in sexual frustration for men, impacting their overall well-being and satisfaction. I can tell and see changes in my husband’s persona after merely a couple of days.

• Potential Health Risks: Lack of sexual activity may be linked to health risks in men, such as an increased likelihood of, wait for it……. prostate cancer! yes that’s right.

• Emotional Toll: Beyond the physical aspect, men may experience emotional distress due to the lack of intimacy in a sexless marriage.

• Relationship Strain: The absence of sexual connection can strain the overall dynamics of a relationship, affecting communication and emotional bonding.

• Impact on Self-Esteem: Men may face issues related to self-esteem when their sexual needs are not met, contributing to a negative self-perception.

• Psychological Effects: The mental health of men can be affected, leading to stress, anxiety, and a sense of dissatisfaction in the relationship.

• Communication Breakdown: The frustration arising from a sexless marriage may lead to breakdowns in communication between partners, exacerbating the overall relationship challenges.

• Potential for Infidelity: The dissatisfaction from a lack of sexual intimacy may increase the likelihood of men engaging in extramarital affairs as a coping mechanism or seeking fulfillment elsewhere.

For Women

For women, a sexless marriage can trigger emotional upheaval, impacting feelings of love, connection, and intimacy.

Beyond the psychological toll, issues such as body image struggles and diminished self-confidence may surface.

The significance of oxytocin, often dubbed the “cuddle chemical,” becomes apparent in the context of a marriage without sexual intimacy.

• Emotional Turmoil: Women in a sexless marriage often experience emotional turmoil, leading to feelings of love, connection, and intimacy being eroded.

• Isolation and Deprivation: The absence of physical intimacy, including touching and sex, can make women feel isolated and deprived, impacting their sense of belonging in the relationship. 

• Impact on Self-Esteem: Women may suffer from a decline in self-esteem when their need for intimacy is not met, potentially leading to negative self-perception.

• Psychological Consequences: A sexless marriage can lead to various psychological consequences for women, including stress and anxiety.

• Importance of Intimacy: Physical intimacy is essential for women to feel like they are part of a couple or family. Its lack can create a sense of disconnection and dissatisfaction.

• Body Image Issues: The absence of sexual intimacy may contribute to body image issues in women, affecting their perception of themselves and their attractiveness.

• Role of Hormones: Hormones released during sex, such as endorphins, play a role in reducing stress and improving well-being. The lack of these hormones can leave women feeling emotionally imbalanced.

• Consideration of Loyalty: Lack of physical intimacy may lead women to question loyalty in the relationship, as it plays a role in feeling connected and valued.

• Potential for Extramarital Affairs: As with men, the dissatisfaction from a lack of sexual intimacy may increase the likelihood of women seeking fulfillment outside the marriage, potentially leading to extramarital affairs.

Viability of a Sexless Marriage 

Yes, a marriage can endure without sexual intimacy if both partners find contentment in the absence of sexual activity, and the overall marital landscape is characterized by happiness and well-being.

In a marriage without much intimacy, things like temporary situations, both partners not being interested in sex, or agreeing that sex isn’t that important can help the relationship last.

Coping Strategies for a Sexless Marriage – 3 Recommendations

1. Explore Marriage Counseling: Seek professional guidance to navigate challenges and enhance effective communication.
2. Facilitate Open Dialogues: While professional intervention proves beneficial, couples can use resources and engage in open communication.
3. Consider Scheduled Intimacy: Acknowledge the pivotal role of sex in the relationship and make deliberate efforts to prioritize it. 

Should You Divorce Over a Sexless Marriage?

Maybe the small difference suggests that men and women in the same marriage might see their sex life a bit differently, or perhaps men in same-sex marriages have less sex than those in heterosexual marriages.

Whatever the case, a significant number of married folks aren’t having sex regularly.

If having a close relationship, including physical intimacy, is crucial to you and your spouse isn’t meeting that need, you might be thinking about getting a divorce.

But divorce is a big deal and not something to decide on lightly. We’ve listed seven signs below to help you figure out when it might be time to consider ending a sexless marriage.